Every state ranked by its shape’s usefulness as a cutting board

1.

Colorado

This is just a picture of a generic cutting board because Colorado is exactly shaped like one.

2.

Wyoming

As is Wyoming.

3.

Nebraska

Distinctive yet practical. The epitome of state-themed cutting boards.

4.

Connecticut

Handy handle. Bonus points for having the word “cut” in the state name.

5.

Utah

Striking minimalist design.

6.

Kansas

Practical, but anyone who sees it will think it’s just a normal cutting board with a damaged corner.

7.

Massachusetts

Cape Cod forms a natural hook for easy storage.

8.

South Carolina

By far the best of the non-rectilinear states.

9.

North Dakota

For that modern rustic look.

10.

New Mexico

Good cutting board on sale “as is.”

11.

Oregon

Extreme practicality. Pleasantly abstract borders.

12.

Pennsylvania

93% plank-like.

13.

Oklahoma

Excessive handlage.

14.

Arkansas

Clever interplay between curvy northeast inlet and squared southwest inlet, each useful for different pouring/funneling actions.

15.

Arizona

Excellent balance between straight and wiggly lines. Probably won’t remember which side is north.

16.

Michigan

The only cutting board upon which you can identify to others the location of a specific food by pointing to a spot on your upheld hand.

17.

Tennessee

A bit too long and narrow to be practical for all cutting applications, but instantly recognizable.

18.

Iowa

I never noticed before that Iowa has a prominent nose. State-shaped cutting board of choice for chopping aromatics.

19.

Indiana

Easy to saw off the bottom of the state and turn Indiana into a practical cutting surface.

20.

Montana

I’m docking Montana points for stealing its entire western third from Idaho, thereby forcing the creation two asymmetrical cutting boards instead of a pair of perfect rectangles.

21.

Mississippi

Rectangularish enough for regular use.

22.

Minnesota

More like Mincesota.

23.

Nevada

The farther south you go, the less useful it becomes.

24.

New York

Get a version with Long Island attached for a nifty grip.

25.

California

Perfect for slicing those curvy-style sausages for a stew or something, I guess.

26.

Missouri

This 8-bit rendering of Georgia (see below) actually leads to a more practical cutting surface than the original.

27.

Georgia

Parallel lines. Wildly unpredictable lines. Itty bitty nub. Good luck ever cutting straight on this thing.

28.

Illinois

The Georgia of the Midwest.

29.

South Dakota

The boringest of the plank states.

30.

Ohio

Sure, yeah, whatever.

31.

Maine

Take any random chunk of a flat material and there is a 95% chance that it will be Maine-shaped.

32.

Louisiana

Unwieldy, but offers two distinct cutting areas. Bonus points for being home to the best food in America.

33.

Idaho

Takes its cues from Louisiana, but offers a vastly inferior northern mass.

34.

Texas

As cumbersome as the state itself.

35.

Alabama

Fine, but dangly bits quite distracting.

36.

Florida

Awkward handle. Maybe as a specialty cutting board for baguettes and salamis and such?

37.

Wisconsin

This is actually a cheeseboard because Wisconsin.

38.

New Hampshire

Only useful if you glue it to a Vermont cutting board.

39.

Vermont

See above.

40.

Washington

Puget (structurally un)Sound.

41.

Rhode Island

Great cutting area, but the fragilest of peninsulas.

42.

Alaska

Solid primary cutting surface, but isthmusy part is super breakable.

43.

Hawaii

This is cheating, Hawaii. You cannot be more than one cutting board. Though the island of Niʻihau is the only cutting board designed specifically for single cashews.

44.

North Carolina

This is the cutting board you would get if you smushed all of Hawaii’s islands into a single mass.

45.

Kentucky

And this is the cutting board you would get if you flipped North Carolina over its X-axis.

46.

Virginia

Lumpy state #3.

47.

Delaware

It’s like you weren’t even trying to be a cutting board, Delaware.

48.

Maryland

I’ll see your crappy Delaware cutting board, and I’ll raise you Maryland.

49.

West Virginia

This one has too many poky bits.

50.

New Jersey

While not the least useful cutting board, the shape of New Jersey is wholly unappetizing.

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